Question

Is it really wrong to host your own baby shower, if you don't have any REALLY close friends (to spend the money and time) in the area, or family?????



poo, I hope not.

Update Update Update!

Oh hello fellow blogging world, it's been a while.

Super fast update:
ITS A BOY!
I'M MOVING TO GLENWOOD SPRINGS IN 1 1/2 WEEKS
Budda got his first shots and the vet totally stabbed him, he's still sore!
I started my first medical class and I'm stuper stoked!

PLAN:!

Move to Glenwood
Pay rent in advance
Work part time 3 or 4 days a week
Do community service at the hospital 1 or 2 days a week
Work out 1 or 2 days a week at the rec center
Pass all my classes and get signed up for Spring!

Work until I pop!

Spend time with the baby
Do classes
Probably collect unemployment until I can find a decent sitter
Then work work work all summer long
Find a bigger apartment for the three of us
work work work and take more classes!

I guess its just basically focusing on me, the baby, and becoming a medical assistant. Can't be that hard right! :p :p :p

IYIYIY wish me LUCK

30 Fastest Growing Occupations

Table 7. The 30 fastest-growing occupations, 2008-18

Table 7. The 30 fastest-growing occupations, 2008-18
(In thousands)

Occupation Occupational group Employment Change Most significant source of
2008 2018 Percent Number postsecondary education
or training (1)

Biomedical engineers........................ Professional and related occupations (2).. 16 28 72.0 12 Bachelor's degree

Network systems and data communications
analysts.................................. Professional and related occupations (2).. 292 448 53.4 156 Bachelor's degree

Home health aides........................... Service occupations (3)................... 922 1,383 50.0 461 Short-term on-the-job
training

Personal and home care aides................ Service occupations (3)................... 817 1,193 46.0 376 Short-term on-the-job
training

Financial examiners......................... Management, business, and financial
occupations (4)......................... 27 38 41.2 11 Bachelor's degree

Medical scientists, except epidemiologists.. Professional and related occupations (2).. 109 154 40.4 44 Doctoral degree

Physician assistants........................ Professional and related occupations (2).. 75 104 39.0 29 Master's degree

Skin care specialists....................... Service occupations (3)................... 39 54 37.9 15 Postsecondary vocational
award

Biochemists and biophysicists............... Professional and related occupations (2).. 23 32 37.4 9 Doctoral degree

Athletic trainers........................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 16 22 37.0 6 Bachelor's degree

Physical therapist aides.................... Service occupations (3)................... 46 63 36.3 17 Short-term on-the-job
training

Dental hygienists........................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 174 237 36.1 63 Associate degree

Veterinary technologists and technicians.... Professional and related occupations (2).. 80 108 35.8 29 Associate degree

Dental assistants........................... Service occupations (3)................... 295 401 35.8 106 Moderate-term on-the-job
training

Computer software engineers, applications... Professional and related occupations (2).. 515 690 34.0 175 Bachelor's degree

Medical assistants.......................... Service occupations (3)................... 484 648 33.9 164 Moderate-term on-the-job
training

Physical therapist assistants............... Service occupations (3)................... 64 85 33.3 21 Associate degree

Veterinarians............................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 60 79 33.0 20 First professional degree

Self-enrichment education teachers.......... Professional and related occupations (2).. 254 335 32.1 81 Work experience in a
related occupation
Compliance officers, except agriculture,
construction, health and safety, and
transportation............................ Management, business, and financial
occupations (4)......................... 260 341 31.1 81 Long-term on-the-job
training

Occupational therapist aides................ Service occupations (3)................... 8 10 30.7 2 Short-term on-the-job
training

Environmental engineers..................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 54 71 30.6 17 Bachelor's degree

Pharmacy technicians........................ Professional and related occupations (2).. 326 426 30.6 100 Moderate-term on-the-job
training

Computer software engineers, systems
software.................................. Professional and related occupations (2).. 395 515 30.4 120 Bachelor's degree

Survey researchers.......................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 23 31 30.4 7 Bachelor's degree

Physical therapists......................... Professional and related occupations (2).. 186 242 30.3 56 Master's degree

Personal financial advisors................. Management, business, and financial
occupations (4)......................... 208 271 30.1 63 Bachelor's degree

Environmental engineering technicians....... Professional and related occupations (2).. 21 28 30.1 6 Associate degree

Occupational therapist assistants........... Service occupations (3)................... 27 35 29.8 8 Associate degree

Fitness trainers and aerobics instructors... Service occupations (3)................... 261 338 29.4 77 Postsecondary vocational
award


1 An occupation is placed into 1 of 11 categories that best describes the postsecondary education or training needed by most workers to
become fully qualified in the occupation. For more information, see Measures of Education and Training, on the Internet at www.bls.gov/emp/
ep_projections_methods.htm.
2 Major occupational groups 15-0000 through 29-0000 in the 2000 Standard Occupational Classification (SOC).
3 Major occupational groups 31-0000 through 39-0000 in the 2000 Standard Occupational Classification (SOC).
4 Major occupational groups 11-0000 through 13-0000 in the 2000 Standard Occupational Classification (SOC).

September

So I stared school and I can already say I'll be way to busy. I'm going to set up some sort of workout/homework schedule so I don't just sit there studying and eating! I would however say I'm doing well so far because I don't even weigh 120lbs yet. My baby is kicking more and more everyday and my ribs feel like they are breaking inside! It's extremely weird. My job has slowed down so much it's silly-but that's exactly how Grand County works this time of year. I've only got two more weeks left! Instead of running to my moms in Florida I think I'll stick around with my grandparents a bit longer and finish my community service. I don't want to be a fugitive when I want to move back to CO in two years! I do love Colorado though and I'm seriously depressed inside I have to leave. I wish someone would just come up here and be my roommate and help me out :( oh well, I guess I could do one or two winters without snow.

Other then the basics I guess there's not much new to tell. I'm holding up rather well but being alone really sucks. I dream of two different people being two completely different people and neither of them have any intention of doing that. It sucks. I find myself loving one every single day more and more and then finding reasons to seriously punch him in the face. And the other-don't even get me started-he's making himself happy which is all that's important to him. I'm sure that will change in 5 months (sucks for him) Bah, men. I wish I could just turn my heart off and move on. I really do wonder how people do that. I bet though they aren't sitting around pregnant and emotional.

Again-BAH!

No more complaining. I'm going to work today to make some moneys! Maybe I'll see the bear that's been creeping around on grounds. Maybe I'll take some pictures and sit outside and breath in the Fall air with Winter slowly coming in. mmmmm smells good!

<3 <3 <3

Busy Bee, Yes, thats me!

School, work, dentist, exercise, puppy shots, pack and unpack and pack some more
hangout with friends, go to Denver to enjoy a quiet weekend and shop for-yes-maternity clothes
finally. I used a rubberband yesterday and decided it was time for a new drobe'.
Haha I've never heard anyone use the word drobe'.

MMmMMM..
Sublime and Pepper for a morning start
Along with a nice walk around the park
and then working today.

At least I make money to sit there and do homework (:

"Life is Good"

Men

I'll never understand why at that moment looking into your stupid blue eyes and playing with your stupid brown hair, lying on your air mattress, listening to your record player-that I decided to let my guard down and let you in.

You're sweet talk
fake act
I'm a nice guy and I'll love you forever
crap

Really hurts me now
Thanks for that.

I love having a puppy. I walk almost 2 miles a day with this little guy and after 2 weeks of doing this and my yoga I feel amazing. Work is winding down and it's nice because I get to start school earlier. I didn't realize until today how much work these 6 classes are going to be. My mom offered to let me live at her house for free so I can finish school and work part time to save money. I'm super stoked on that. Budda gets a huge yard to play in and I get to wonder the beach once more. I think I'm even more excited to be around my real friends. People who seriously aren't fake. I mean don't get me wrong, I absolutely love CO and I've met a lot of amazing people but shit. I'm done wasting my time on spoiled, stuck up, like omg, lets be friends one day and not the next. I can't wait to be around my Bribay, and mooshka, and girls that know how to have fun without being drunk or constantly trying to get laid (= I guess it will be nice to get away from all the snow I've been around for 3 years.

Besides that, my belly is super itchy and I'm not supposed to scratch it. I'm 17 weeks and my next appointment is September 12th-I'M SO EXCITED! My boobs are enormous haha, and my hair grows insanely fast. I'm looking forward to being a mommy and think that staying busy and giving my life a REAL purpose will be fun. Don't get me wrong, I know it will hurt, be hard, I'll be tired, broke and looking back on the past. But I've had a great history.

Yay for the future.

Life

It's funny how my life changes daily
I guess I'll be going to Florida
to live with my mom, her pups, and hubby-
for free.

Then I can finish school
and find a place of my own
work on my tan (:

Guess that's not so bad

Just TIDbits of words running through my head

And there's something in the way the air smelt

sunset felt

that reminded me of once brighter days

when we went cruisin listenin to our favorite songs play wishing life was always that way

I pulled off into the grass and pretended for a moment it was still that day

We could write a song about how everyone says we're wrong about how this might be love.

But until then we'll sneak around life acting like the past never happened

and every moment without you feels like an eternity, my best friend.

Maybe in another town not so bound by the bad but one where we can start some good

and forget this life you know we could

Until then this love or poison will settle like a scar in my heart

Starting my own family

It's hard to believe I will have my own little family soon in the future. This is my little Budda. I went on a random shopping spree and got him because I guess subconciously I was ready to be a mamma. Well today I'm 15 weeks pregnant and last night I felt my baby kick for the first time. It was truely amazing (and kind of weird). I got my books in for school today and plan on spending the rest of my sunny days getting ahead of the game and preparing to be a student and a mommy.

I'm so excited (:

August 2011

When I think about August I think about reading as many of my books as I can before school starts and those are the only books I'm reading.

I think about taking more pictures while the grass is green and the Aspens have leaves on them.

I think about laying around on my deck, soaking up the sun and attemping a yoga session or two since I'm supposed to be staying in shape.

I think about how excited I am to watch my brother play sports this year and finally be a part of his life.

Yay yay yay can't wait for the next chapter.

Excitement

14 MORE DAYS UNTIL I "MIGHT" FIND OUT WHAT THE SEX IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandparents

I love coming to my grandparents house. It's a nice escape. They always have plants growing, fresh fruit, and yummy snacks! This cracker guy is called the cowboy treat. It's cream cheese and jalapeno jelly. YUM!

The Grand Lake Lodge

To start off this turning over a new leaf thing I'd like to tell you a little bit about where I'm working and living this summer. I received the job of The Historic Grand Lake Lodge Gift shop Manager in June and I will be working here until mid September. The lodge was built in 1920 and was owned by the James Family until this year. It's an amazing piece of property that is beautiful and filled with history. You can come here and rent cabins with the best view in Grand County, browse our gift shop filled with home decor, bath soaps/scents, souvenirs and clothing or eat in our 4 star restaurant. We have employees from China, Mongolia, Jamaica, Turkey, and all over the States. It's a lot of fun working with such a diverse group of people because you get a taste of places you've never been. Most of the employees live in little cabin shacks located on property-which are no where near 4 start but it's an experience! Living here opens the door to meeting all sorts of people, seeing animals in our front yard in the morning such as bear, moose, deer, elk and fox. A lot of us even have the luxury of acquiring little chipmunks as occasional visitors and food stealer's.

These are some of our cabins and our view of Mt. Baldy in the background.

And this is just half of what we get to look at everyday. 90 years ago this place was filled with green trees and didn't have anything built on it. Amazing how much things change.

Grand County is a beautiful place filled with horseback riding, dirtbikes and 4wheel trails, plenty of water for boating, and a local ski mountain in Winter Park. If you're ever in the area, just over the mountain from Denver is a whole different world!

Blogs Blogs Blogs

So when I started my blog I guess it was just a way for me to vent. Not really about anything fun and exciting in my life, but the annoyances of it. After browsing through blogs I realize how much more enjoying it is to focus on the happy, creative things in life-that way other people can share them with you-maybe instead of focusing on their annoyances in life? So I've decided that August will be my turn of a new leaf when it comes to my blogging. I'm not sure exactly yet what I'll focus on. You see so much scrap booking, house decor, arts and crafts and photography pages that I might just do a bunch of things in one. This will be my journey about turning 22, becoming a mommy, a college graduate (one day) and discovering what makes life exciting (all without men and love). My whole life I've been focused on not necessarily finding love, but thinking I was in it, and making other people happy that I completely forgot what life was like being independent and doing everything for yourself. Not anymore though. I've got a list of books, activities, and foods I want to try, places I want to see, and goals to accomplish. Advice, and comments are always welcome to help make myself a better blogger, writer, and even a mommy!

YAY!

Petals

I honestly think

Weddings are a waste of

time

money

time time and more time.

How many people in this world?

And I feel so alone. I'm trying not to think about the bad because that makes you weak and vulnerable, two things I never want to be, but it's pretty difficult. It's just hard thinking about how one jerk of a person can make you feel one way one second and now I feel like this-because of them. It's horrible. How people can turn their backs on things so important to go fishing and play their guitar, seriously? Having dreams of being a baseball player and a rockstar? Please make me roll my eyes more. I wish people knew when and how to grow the fuck up. It's ridiculous they think they can just keep living their life feeding off other peoples emotions and help-never feeling guilty. They blame everything on the world and nothing on themselves, their biggest enemy. They come in to your life and shake it up to the point where now everything in YOUR future is going to change drastically and they are going to just run home to mommy and daddy where everything is the same, everyone knows their name. If I could I would drive up there and give him the biggest piece of my mind but then I guess some would call that immature? I feel like it would be a huge waste of my time-he's fucking immature, selfish and obviously dumb. Ugh there's so much more to vent about but I hate venting, I feel like it's more complaining and no one wants to read about others complain.
But once more, there's seriously a huge hole in my heart and I'm looking for ways to fill it up or distract me from it, but it's getting hard. Especially in the mornings before you get up and at night before you fall asleep. Worst times.

Fuck you.
I hope someday you read this.
But I doubt you ever will.

Night out on the town

This is my adorable girl friend Katie.
I love her very much and thought I'd introduce her
:)
hehe

Decafe coffee with one sugar please

And it used to be a 4 shot caramal regular add 4 extra sugars and whip cream.
haha oh the days of caffiene
I do miss.


Otherwise things are still great. I ordered a baby book (dont ask how much it cost) and I'm in the proccess of thinking about buying a baby carrier/changing table playpen thing. Everyone keeps telling me to wait and that someone might give me a hand me down or in a little bit the things I want will be on sale. Also that if I move I'll have to haul everything around.
I agree with this but..

My family also isn't going to spend $150.00 on certain items I need so eventually I'll have to buy them. Minazwell buy them now while they are in stock and I have money. Plus hand me downs? If I buy something new I can sale it, or keep it for the next baby? mm only ONE please! And moving is moving. I'm going to haul things around no matter what.

Basically my point being, my baby, my money, my decision!

On another note besides life going well, my job getting even more boring and my being worried about my Eminem acting little brother--well I guess thats it. I get laughs on a daily basis with Miss Katie and it makes my Summer I met her. There are still cool people out there! We window shop which usually consists of stalkin boys through windows and spending way too much money, eating way too much food (which is okay for me) and dreaming dreaming dreaming. The grandparents are well and very supportive, my grandpa loves making jokes. I'm still debating names and I don't think 4 weeks can go by faster. My next apt is August 12th and I MIGHT be able to find out the sex. FINGERS CROSSED that my little guy or gal spreads em! :)

Well maybe I should get back to work, hehe.

Rainy day Rainy day

But I do love it

My appointment on Friday was absolutely amazing
and absolutely violating--but I'll get used to that one.
Katie was there and the best support,
My doctor had a sexy Brazilian accent, so that really helped. (:
I got almost all of my blood drained out of me!
Or that's how it felt afterwards.

I'm shopping on BabiesRus and I'm getting way too excited
School starts in about 3 weeks
Hopefully I find out what I'm carrying in four



Life is good..

FUTURE

History Literature and Education double major?
I think so.

Mommy, teacher, and volleyball coach

I HOPE SO!

Happy 11 weeks

Well 11 tomorrow but I feel like posting now (:

So everything has been great. I'm still very small, about 117 but I'm sure soon I'll be gaining that weight. I've been tired, never really sick, and I'm always hungry. Hopefully within the next two weeks I'll go in for my first ultrasound. I just can't WAIT to find out what it is! I've been thinking of names, whats your opinion?!

Girls:
Laural
Lilah
Willow
Brooke
Sage
Autumn


Boys:
Forrest
Beau


Well boys is the hardest right now. I thought I had alot but now I'm just going back and forth. I really love Laural and Forrest (:


Anyhoo, thats all for now.

It isn't Thanksgiving yet, but...............

What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for,
the bill for student loans I'm getting
because it means I have a chance to learn.

the cards in the mail on holidays
because it means I have people that remember the simple things

the taxes I pay
because it means I'm employed

the scars I have
because they show me I'm still living

the tears I cry
because they show me I'm still feeling

the mistakes I make
because I'm teaching myself lessons

the child I carry
because I can create life

the people that love me
because I don't feel so alone

laundry days
because I at least have laundry to do

gaining weight
because I have food to eat

I'm thankful for life existing
So I can live

Coastin on a dream

Okay well I'm back...

dun a nunna nunna na

I can't begin to explain to you how much my life changes from day to day. One moment I'm living in Glenwood chillen with the coolest kids I know, having the time of my life and the next I'm in Leadville in a deep state of drunken depression because that was just how I got when things went bad. Then I meet a guy who I think is totally amazing and we get along perfectly-like have EVERYTHING in common and he's my perfect 5 star type of guy. We figure we're in love and going to get married one day-he'll play baseball and I'll be at home with the kids, teaching at some school and either writing a book or coaching volleyball (well I guess for the most part that was my dream.) Well one thing came true....

I'm pregnant. Congratulations! Right? I'm in a weird numb state right now, going through the motions of eating healthy, taking vitamins and working 60+ without taking a day off. Yes I'm excited, I want nothing more then to raise my own tiny human and show them the world that I never got to explore fully but hey that's life. My family took the news well, mostly because they like him and don't know how much of an emotional roller coaster he is. Currently he's blaming me for not "getting him help" because supposedly all his drinking was a sign he was depressed. Oh and we had an unhealthy relationship because all we did was drink. As I recall I would get off work and he would say "want to get some beer" and that was if he didn't already have a 6 pack AFTER drinking a 6 pack. So now we're at the breaking point where I'm telling him I'm not his mother and I can't read his mind, and he says we aren't perfect for each other.

So besides the fact he's being a selfish asshole........I guess I'm okay.

I was raised without a father, and I know how hard it was on my mother. But I think I'm a pretty strong person when it comes down to it. I've moved all over, I've gone through divorce, death, abuse (drug, alcohol and physical), I've lived in a 2 bedroom house with 10 hippies stealing food from hotels, I've failed and passed school, loved and lost, been happy and sad-but I come out on top of whatever hits me hardest. I feel that life is too short to blame things on it and if you push everything behind you and don't look back you'll be okay.

So maybe I'll be okay?

I know I will finish school
One day I'll find a person who truly loves and accepts me
I know I'll make a great mother
I know I'll find a way to travel
I know eventually, I will succeed.

I almost wish there was a way to clear your mind of negative things and start again. A mind detox. A memory eraser. But there's not. Right?

It's funny looking back on the past 10 years of my life (love life that is) and seeing the faces fade of the ones that actually cared. The many nice ones I turned down to be with the bad. What was I thinking? Not that I need a guy-not by far-but all woman dream of that feeling and that experience and I of course pass it up. I could be walking the beach with him right now, or climbing a mountain with fabulous views with him. I could be an Army girlfriend (kind of glad I passed on this one) with him, or I could be going to shows watching him. Ah. Oh well.

I walk alone.

Words coming soon for this wilted beauty.......

Week of peace and tiny thoughts

Finally, a week away from Leadville. To mountain air ( yes I know, Leadville has 10,500 ft of mountain air) but I'm tucked away in a mountain town just waiting to bloom for summer. My grandparents are finally back in Colorado and I swear my heart lightens more when they're around. Maybe because my closest relatives are thousands of miles away with no thought to visit. The house is beautiful with views into the depths of the snow covered forest to the tops of the rocky mountains. We've been seeing elk and deer, no moose yet, and no pictures but I'll snap a few on the next encounter. I bought some parsley seeds to start my own on the go mini garden-that's what my grandparents call it because they grow them in tiny pots or cups and their always moving so it's easier than giant pots or the obvious, garden. I'm excited to bring something to life and watch it grow. I thought having an animal would bring me joy-just the simple fact of caring and nurturing for something-then my grandmother mentioned growing a plant and it just made sense. Plants are prettier to look at anyway :)

On another note, a friends grandfather has past away this week and it brought a lot of thoughts and emotions to me even though I had no relation. I don't think that matters much though. Just the though of one day I'll be in his exact shoes, dealing with the death of a grandparent, two at that, just kills me. It made me think about God and praying. I prayed for him and I haven't prayed since I was a kid and it was my nightly routine. I won't go on a shpeel about how I feel towards the whole religion idea-but I hope whatever is out there is watching over us and guides his grandfather safely to a more peaceful place.

I am however excited and terrified for the future this year will bring. I'm hoping this year is the deciding factor in the life I'll lead for a while. I guess we'll see if love or "life" conquers the heart.

Sweet dreams. <3

Winter is too long, summer is to short

the river moves
on down the path
filled with the mountains
long winter snow

shades of green
glance in between
white patches of Earth
scarcely seen

lake so blue
patiently waiting
for the sun to emerge
unmask its shading

once alive
yet now dormant
brown roots conceal
surrounding hills head

caves abandoned
belly's growl
civilization on the prowl

flowers blooming
birds chirping
singing summer songs
souls fall in love to.

Money or Travel

Money while traveling? I've always thought about joining the Air Force, my grandpa is a retired vet and loves the idea that I even put it on the table. I wonder if I'm strong enough, but then I think about how you could compare basic training to gym class (except yes, I know the differences are quite extreme) but how hard could it be to follow directions for 8 weeks? Plus the whole paying for school and medical benefits is so appealing and for what, having a job for the next four years? I'm giving it another three years. If I haven't graduated for whatever crazy reason, or if I haven't fallen head over heals and decided to get married (for whatever crazy reason!) then I'll join. Hopefully things will be a bit straighter come that time, but who knows.

I do have much bigger thoughts, but I just woke up and thought I'd graze the subject.

Some days, the sun is just too bright.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLJf9qJHR3E

I went to Pandora yesterday, on the quest for interesting and meaningful songs. Typed in Mumford & Sons on the create a station. I now have a full list of amazing bands I've never heard of that I'm currently downloading to make mixed CDS.

Lately music has been my great escape, along with writing and reading. I've come to terms with the fact at this point in my life I need to get in touch with the inner Hannah, see how she's been doing lately. Haha.

I also thought that falling back in love would be a bit more romantic and easier than the last few days; but people aren't perfect, so I guess I shouldn't expect this to be any different.
To continue or to move on?

I'm waiting on my new "professional" paint set to arrive tomorrow, very excited for this. I'm not a drawer but I do love colors and throwing them down on a piece of paper to see what comes out of it. I think besides my cleaning habit, painting will be a new meditation.

Haven't seen my shadow lately either, but the sun has been to bright.